Pun Corner

OK, my wife thinks these aren't funny. I suspect she's right. But at least they're my own.

What happens when the King of France tries to invade Norman England?

Resistance is feudal.

The US president sends his top negotiator over to the WTO talks because of an outcry by European fruit growers over protectionism in the Californian dried fruit market. Republican votes are precious in California. When she gets there, she finds that opinion is dead set against the American position and that given America's need to avoid tit-for-tat duties, she is in an impossible position. She cables back to her boss:

Raisin stance is futile.

One night an inebriated American scholar tries to put Archimedes' Lever to the test. But instead of moving the earth, his great desire is to move the stars around so they spell out his name. Having secured a long pole of extremely durable construction several million light years long, he manages to waggle it vaguely in the right direction. However, every time he manages to knock one out of position, gravitational fields quickly bring it back into place. His conclusion?

Raisin' stars is futile.

This probably runs in the family. Cassandra of the Daily Mail was a vague relative, I believe, and he was one of the greatest punsters of the 20th century. Two of his:

1. Charity worker composes a letter asking potential donors to send back money for their appeals in Nigeria, Fiji and Greenland. Boss writes back saying that the message is too confusing: "Don't put all your begs in one ask-it."
2. Construction working at a Bilbao bull-ring means that the ways in and out are much reduced. A bull escapes during the fight, and spectators stampede. Many are trampled to death at the egress. Moral of the story? Don't put all your Basques in one exit.

Which reminds me of the old Barnum trick "1 shilling to see the egress..."

But enough puns for now, any rate.